Modern Meat

New year, old problems.

I was supposed to write this a month ago but it's just too easy to be lazy. So Megumi is really everywhere now. What are you planning, Maruto? Winter Comiket may be over but the fun certainly hasn't stopped. Missed out on a couple of things but got most of what I had wanted and a bit more. Apart from the pretty pictures, I suppose what I looked forward to the most were Maruto and Kurehito's comments in the new book. Jokes about Izumi bumping into Tomoya in the school corridor and (with a 1 in 10,000,000 chance) ending up in paizuri a highly compromising position aside, she and Michiru should be playing bigger roles in the upcoming volumes. Maruto's known love for married women and black tights appears to be alive and well, so perhaps Kurehito's wish for Eriri's mother to get lots of screen time will be realized soon too. Not that it helped Sayuka in any way, but that's probably an entirely different story altogether.

The part that got me the most was perhaps the theme of Volume 7 illustrations. Essentially, it's the contrast between this and this, Megumi and Eriri's crying scenes, and lastly Megumi buying a pair of glasses for Tomoya and Eriri taking them away. That's nice and all except that upon close inspection it becomes apparent that Megumi and Eriri have exactly the same hands. It gave me a good laugh, especially since there was this as well. There's something going on here and I'm not sure if anyone is prepared to learn the truth.

Speaking of Megumi, her feelings towards Tomoya remains an enigma by the end of the latest volume and even Maruto, Kurehito and the editor were divided on whether she has any romantic feeling for him or not. You can read Maruto's comment on Megumi's page in piece of blessing, and yes it is very short. Reading between the lines might be fun but I'm only here to watch the story unfold. So I really shouldn't be offering any sort of opinion on the Tomoya and Megumi's relationship. Going by what was presented in Volume 7 though, Tomoya definitely thinks of Megumi as more than just a friend, but not in a romantic way. Megumi on the other hand – I wouldn't be sitting here writing this if I could actually figure her out – is hard to grasp and it's arguably more interesting that way. With Izumi officially entering the battlefield, things are probably going to get even messier than before, and the new class allocation sure feels like Maruto's got something – potentially not so pleasant – in store for us too. Well, not before we are treated to Eriri and Utaha's story with a certain red (Kou) and vermilion (Aka) crazy individual first anyway.

Here's where the fun begins. Messages from the girls, written by Maruto himself. I'm far from competent so it won't be flawless, but please enjoy it until the day comes and this gets buried alongside the rest of the rubbish.

Eriri (E): Thanks for picking up the Saenai Heroine no Sodatekata Character Image Song series! I'm the vocalist for this CD, Eriri Spencer Sawamura. Since this was my first time doing something like recording, I was really nervous. I did my best though, so please take a listen if you don't mind. Hmm, well, according to the script the next bit is...(flips through papers) ahh! That's not what I mean! Ahaha...anyways, please allow me to introduce myself. (Pause) My name is Eriri Spencer Sawamura. I'm a sophomore at Toyogasaki Academy and a member of the school's art club. Hobbies...well I'm in the art club, so I suppose it's something like art appreciation? Ah and you could probably tell from my name, I have a British father and a Japanese mother...ummm...

Utaha (U): (Whispers) Fake foreigner.

E: That's right! I actually dye my hair blonde and wear coloured contact lenses...NOT!

U: Tying her artificial blonde hair into unnatural twin tails, and on top of that wearing knee socks for the zettai ryouiki appeal; if she actually walked in front of anyone, they'd avert their eyes and shy away. That's the kind of girl Eriri Spencer Sawamura is.

E: Hold it right there! Don't give customers who were kind enough to buy the CD random ideas, Utaha Kasumigaoka! I'm the real deal!

U: But Sawamura-san, I heard from Rinri-kun that you failed your last English test?

E: T-Tomoyaaaaa...

U: And with that flat chest of yours, it's hard to believe that you have Anglo-Saxon blood flowing in your veins.

E: Stop being so rude! I just wasn't feeling too well on the test day...I have no problem with English.

U: Is that so? Isn't your vocabulary limited to words like otaku, manga and hentai?

E: Wha–?!

Megumi (M): H-hentai...is that an English word, Kasumigaoka-senpai?

U: Of course it is, Kato-san. It has recently spread all over the world and become a fine common expression.

M: Huh...so what does it mean? Is it different from Japanese?

U: Yes, it seems like they use it for things like ecchi anime and manga. All the R18 doujinshi Sawamura-san secretly draws are prime examples too. Oh my! In other words, if Sawamura-san's books are called hentai, then it's like saying Sawamura-san herself is hentai too! Heheheh.

E: Don't go around calling people hentai for some strange reasons! Urgh! I've had enough of this! Get out of the recording booth now!

U: What? I was just being nice and trying to help you calm your nerves.

E: I'm doing fine so no thank you.

(Eriri pushes Utaha outside)

U: Ah!

(Eriri slams the door)

E: Humph!

E: Huuuh...doesn't this mean I have to do the self-introduction all over again? Ehh...(clears throat) Hello everyone, I'm Eriri Spencer Sawamura. My hobbies are...

(Door opens)

M: Ah. Excuse me, Sawamura-san.

E: What do you want, Kato-san? I'm recording for real this time, don't disturb me.

M: The director said the last take was okay.

E: Eh?

M: See? The crew are packing up already.

E: H-hold on! Wait a second! Are you telling me that calling me hentai and whatnot is okay?! I-I won't approve of this! I demand a retake! W-wait! Don't release it please! Don't release the hentai bit pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee–!

U: Thank you for purchasing the Saenai Heroine no Sodatekata Character Image Song series. This CD features I, Utaha Kasumigaoka, on the vocals. Buying my CDs though, I must say there are quite a number of curious people out there. Well, it couldn't be helped – I had to take on this job thanks to my involvements in the project. Am I the only one who thinks the creators and the consumers could have spent their money on something more important? Besides, there are some issues with my pay. Unlike my novels, the amount I get paid here won't change regardless of how well the CD sell. So naturally I don't feel motivated at all. Ah, but if you're a fan of the the composers and lyricists and would like to support them, they get royalties so please keep buying...

E: Wait, wait, wait! Stop describing these things in such details, Utaha Kasumigaoka!

U: But Sawamura-san, surely as an illustrator you'd have been in similar situations? Like forcing you to draw package art when you are really busy and mass produces it as a special bonus, but only pay you one illustration's worth, making you want to yell 'Just how much money do you think I have?!'.

E: Even if I did I wouldn't talk about it! Geez. Kato-san, say something about this avaricious woman already.

M: Umm, all of this is kinda on a different level for me. I'm not sure which part I should respond to...

U: I'm not saying it because I want money. I just wanted a proper opinion. I thought you'd understand, Sawamura-san.

E: I just don't get why you'd choose to talk about it at a time like this. Besides, even if you made a lot of money, it's not like you'd have much use for it right? Your hair, stockings and personality are all so black that you have no friends.

M: Um, were the first two things necessary?

U: At least it's better than a closet otaku like you who pretends to have lots of friends but doesn't reveal your true colours to any of them.

E: B-but someone like you would be up to no good with a lot of money. Like buying men's affection and luring them into leading a dissipated life.

U: Uugh...I-I can do whatever I want with my own money!

E: Sure, do whatever you want with it. Like for example, buying a younger man's affection and give him everything so you won't be dumped, but still end up having him easily snatched away from you by some other woman. Yep, just do whatever you want.

U: It might be an example but why is it limited to men who are younger than me?!

M: You know, this really doesn't sound like a conversation between high school girls...

U: Hmph, I don't want to hear that from a childhood friend who's always been together but ends up losing out to every other woman and whose feelings go unrequited because of some stupid pride!

E: Grrrrr! You've said it! You've finally said it!! You yandere landmine old hag!

U: Shut your face you plebeian blonde cockroach!

E: I'm not a pleb! And it's not like it's guaranteed that my feelings won't be returned!

U: I'm not a yandere either! And I haven't been dumped yet!

M: Y-You know, let's not talk about things like unrequited love or getting dumped. Let's all just calm down first.

U: Do you think you have the right to say that?

E: Whose fault do you think it is that put us in this kind of situation in the first place?

(Ominous music plays)

M: Eh? Eeh? What's wrong? Why are you two staring at me like that? Actually what's up with those hand movements? Eeeh? Waiiit...!

M: Um, thank you for buying the Saenai Heroine no Sodatekata Character Image Song series. I'm Megumi Kato and I sang on this CD. Ah, I'm in my second year at Toyogasaki Academy. (Pause) Hmm, my birthday is on September 23rd. (Pause) Eh? Hobbies? Hmm, normally I just go shopping I guess? (Long pause) Excuse me, I don't have anything else to say. Can I go now?

E: Wait a second Kato-san! How are you going to promote the CDs if you just left like that?

U: Since this is a job, you should at least try to fulfill your obligations as the heroine just in case.

M: Even if you say that, it's a bit difficult for me to say nice things after being suddenly taken to this studio and asked to sing and advertise.

E: This is something I've noticed a while ago, Kato-san. Aren't you lacking the self-awareness of a main heroine?

U: Lacking or not, it's more like she just doesn't have any awareness at all.

M: Well, I think Kasumigaoka-senpai is probably right.

E: Ahhh, this is going to be tough.

U: Yeah, it really is.

M: It's troublesome for me too, being forced to do this...

E: That's easy for you to say. Though I don't know what went wrong, you are the main heroine so it can't be helped.

U: That's right, please be more mindful of your role, Kato-san. Defeating other heroine candidates by pulling off classic moves like placing push pins in their shoes, to using modern long-range attacks such as spreading disinformation on the net so they get flamed; when all's said and done, covering your face with one hand and smiling while soaked in blood – that's the kind of existence you'd strive to become, you know?

M: I think people who would want something like that from a school romcom heroine are definitely in the minority...

E: Still! Normally no matter how unremarkable a heroine is – falling head over heels for the male lead, stressing over making herself less shy, and crying over arguments caused by misunderstandings – she'd still stick to the genre and fall in love!

U: And what about you? Every day you just play with your smartphone and avoid having conversations with others. There's no excitement in your life but you have no worries either. That's why you won't fall in love. Do you think you can be the main heroine like that?

M: Does this story even have any heartthrob in the first place?

E & U: It's all over if you say that!

E: Huuh...anyways I get it; we will never get anything out of this if we just left it to you.

U: One way or another we have to turn Kato-san into a proper main heroine with our own hands, otherwise it may end up affecting future promotions.

M: Umm, you both seem quite busy so you don't have to worry about...

E: The easiest way...has got to be stepping up the ero elements, don't you think?

U: If we are talking about romcom with ero...it's got to be lucky perverts after all.

E: It might be clichéd but how does this sound? During the scene where the main character and the heroine first meet, he trips over some rocks while returning her hat and falls on top of Kato-san with his hands touching her breasts!

U: That doesn't have quite enough impact. We might as well make the main character trip and dive into her crotch.

E: If we are doing that then we should just go all the way and shove the main character's head into the heroine's panties!

M: U-ummm, there's no way a situation as absurd as that could happen...

E: Don't underestimate Japan's otaku culture, Kato-san.

U: For your information, a scenario like that has already been brought to fruition in some other series.

M: ...Sorry, is it okay for me to not be the main heroine?

I miss my guitars.